Ok, let me preface this whole thing by STRESSING the fact that I am not racist.  But I really have a problem with people here in America that don’t know how to speak English.  Now, I will give you, you do not have to be fluent, but I still live by the saying, “It’s better to keep your mouth shut and to look stupid, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”

If I were to move from the US to France, I would hold myself to the standard that I would have to be able to speak enough French to at least get me by and not leaving people thinking, “What the hell was she talking about?”.  But the worst part about this whole post is, I’m not talking about an immigrant or someone that was not raised here. I am talking about someone that was born and raised in the not-so-good-US of A.  Now, come on.  I understand there are certain dialects, and certain slang that might be more relevant in different regions of the country.  But I honestly don’t think speaking like you’re stupid is a classification of slang.

Once you reach a certain age, I expect you to pretty much have mastered the English language…Or at least learned enough of it to be able to speak without leaving others confused as to what exactly you were trying to say. Especially when you are in your 30’s.   So, since you haven’t been able to pick up proper grammar in your pathetic 30 years of being, let me clear some things up for you:

• You don’t say:  “Tell them if I can call them back later?”  Nope, that just will not do.  You sound like an idiot.  “ASK them if I can call them back later?”
• You don’t get down from the car, you get OUT of the car.  What are you doing?  Standing on the fucking roof of the car?  If so, please DO get down, before your fat ass dents it.
• Not everything that is not a car is a truck.  See, here in America we have different types of vehicles.  Cars, station wagons, SUVs, and yes, we do have trucks.  But just because you are driving an Escalade does NOT mean you are driving a truck.  Trucks most generally have beds in the back - your Escalade does not.  So the next time you are getting OUT of your ESCALADE, please do not say “I’m getting down from the truck.”
• Here in America we do not say Avacate.  We say Avocado.  And if you’re referencing that thick green goo that you dip your chips into - we call it guacamole.

What started this whole rant was the inspiration I got from Monique in THIS POST she wrote.  She talks about how when you are in America, you MUST…ABSOLUTELY MUST know how to fucking speak English.  Ok, I will give you, you’re of a different ethnic background.  I will give you, your language at home might be other than English.  But when you’re at the store, at a restaurant, at work - YOU’RE NOT AT HOME!  SPEAK IN A LANGUAGE EVERYONE CAN UNDERSTAND.  Or Christ, at least speak in Non-Stupid English.  It’s ok, I have white trash roots, and hell, half my family doesn’t know how to speak correctly either, but damn.  If I can overcome the briar, so can you.  If I can learn how to speak in the same country you were born and raised in, so can you!  And if you’re not from the US, at least be effing considerate enough to either A.  STFU or B.  Learn how to speak English correctly.  Sigh.  Ok, I’ve said enough.  </rant>

Tags: English, stupid, USA